Written by All Rockets Boi and Dev_135
Huntsville, AL - NASA tweeted today that the RS-25 engines for SLS were found missing from the core stage, and ULA revealed they are changing Vulcan-Centaur's fuel to Hydrolox and not Methalox. At Apogee, we connected the dots and found this photograph of Tory Bruno with a screwdriver near the SLS core stage. KSC employee Soe Jcott told us "Yeah I saw some guys with hats and a blue onesie near SLS with a screwdriver, I didn't do much because I'm an unpaid intern"
After a couple days at the Space Symposium, Dev_135 caught up with Tory Bruno to ask question about the engines on Vulcan. Tory Bruno did state that "The engines on Space Launch System were a great fit for Vulcan, but not for SLS". In remarks to that, he sent 42 men from ULA to unscrew the engines and disconnect the pipes of the RS-25 main engines from SLS. After confirming that those engines were out, Tory Bruno did state that he "contacted Jeff Bezos and told him to forget the order of engines". The RS-25 Main engine were confirmed missing by NASA at 6:42am EST after multiple workers confirmed that the ULA crew broke into the VAB and stole the engines with a helpful SpaceX Booster transporter. At the moment, Tory Bruno did say that "The engines are chilling in the cleanroom at Kennedy Space Center awaiting for testing on Vulcan". People guesstimate that the engines will be installed in 69 days.
In remarks from NASA, the agency did state that Artemis I would be pushed back by 3 years due to Tory Bruno stealing the engines. Teams at NASA are currently de-stacking the core stage and are transporting it back to Stennis Space Center in the coming weeks. Because of this, Tory Bruno was contacted by Bill Nelson and has been told that he has lost every NASA contract after stealing the RS-25's from SLS. This also delayed the moon landing, which puts other countries in advantage to the Moon and forces NASA to rush the engines. Dim Todd, a KSC intern, told Dev_135 that "There were people in blue astronaut suits coming in to fix the engines. They forced me to put my phone inside the engines so then I couldn't contact my boss, Kcott Selly.
In case it wasn't obvious, this is satire