Spacewalk ends with solar panels rapidly unfurling pushing astronaut into deep space

Spacewalk ends with solar panels rapidly unfurling pushing astronaut into deep space

Houston, TX --- Today 3 hours in to a 6 hour spacewalk, the solar panels on the ISS rapidly deployed, causing one of the astronauts on the spacewalk to get shot out at 100ms in to deep space. The ISS has many safety precautions including a tether that gets tied to the astronauts, but this tether wasn’t designed to take 100ms of acceleration, so it snapped.

This astronaut was one that we were not aware of that was on the station, going by "Jedidiah Kerman". It is unknown how this astronaut got up to the space station, but some who are recognizing his name say this is very typical of him.

The reason behind this rapid unfurling is not yet known, but it is being theorized that during the last spacewalk, another one of the astronauts accidentally broke something in the panels, causing it to jolt out instead of unfurling over the pace of an hour today.

In hindsight of this tragedy, the solar panel is considered functional, so NASA can still complete the goal of this mission, just with one less crew member aboard the station.

NOTE: This is satire, none of this is true